After his surprise return to the music world, Rappin Raddi held another press conference to announce that he's changing his name to JRAD 35Cent. "Yo, talk to my left hand cuz callin me Rappin Raddi ain't right... word!", said JRAD 35Cent, "I ain't unreasonable though, so I will also accept plain old JRAD... word! And you don't mess with me, I've been shot over 500 times yo! I gots my own hospital and ambulance cuz when I get shot, yo I ain't got time to wait for no public healthcare... word!". Continuing to speak, though no questions had been asked, JRAD added "I even got my own helicopter... and snipers to make sure that no one tries to steal my helicopter... word". JRAD continued to brag about his "mad skillz" and "grill" for several more minutes before telling the assembled media "to get the hell up outta here before I go all Jane & Finch on yo asses. Peace.".After the official conference, I spoke to JRAD privately where he explained, in plain english, the reasons behind his name change. "When I started out, my name was distinctive you know? Now there's Rappin Rabbi, Rappin Granny and such. It's taking away from my brand and I can't have that. My entourage doesn't come cheap you know... and neither do my imported calf-meat sandwiches. But now that I'm known as JRAD 35Cent, I'm unique again. No one else would ever think to name themselves after small change, so I think I should be safe for the rest of my career.... and my family and I can continue to have our butler Jeeves bring our imported sandwiches out to our new fleet of stretch SUV limosines. They really are quite magnificent you know. I think everyone should have one or two".
