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York Diamonds
York Diamonds Player Arrested!
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In a development that shocked the team, York's John Raddi was arrested late last week and spent the weekend in jail. Information is still hard to come by due to a publication ban issued by the courts, but it appears that Raddi has been charged with grand theft shopping cart for stealing hundreds of grocery carts from local grocery stores. Dominion appears to have been the main target of Raddi's bizarre crime spree, however it now appears that several other stores were also victims of this serial cart stealer. Store spokesperson Tony Tigerson (yes, the inspiration for Tony the Tiger) told the media, "We tried very hard to settle this nicely, but this guy would not listen to reason. We even explained that putting a quarter in the theft prevention system does not qualify as purchasing the cart. We told him we just wanted our carts back, but he became hostile. Here's a sample of the replies he sent us". He then blatantly violated the court's publication ban by distributing copies of John's emailed reply to Dominion.

According to the printout, on June 15, 2006 John Raddi wrote: 'Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my carts and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my carts would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry them from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get them from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have them, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch'".

After the the gasps from the shocked crowd subsided Tigerson then continued, "Does this sound like someone who wants to work things out civilly? We were out of options. We had to prosecute before things got really out of hand. Hopefully he can get the help he obviously requires and we can get our property back after the trial. Honestly, what does any man need with 245 shopping carts?? They took up so much room that the police could hardly move around his place. It's madness.".

As Raddi, who was released on $250,000 bail, left the courtroom he was stopped by the throng of reporters outside. "I am absolutely, positively, 100% innocent of these charges. I'm appalled that I even have to be here", he said. When asked about the statements made by Tigerson, Raddi became visibly agitated, "He misquoted me. What? He showed you a printout of the email? That sneaky son of a.... wait a minute, isn't that illegal? Uh... well... why would I pay a quarter just to USE the frigging cart? Am I made of money?? Do I look rich to you??? Now get out of my way, I'm leaving!". As he pushed his way through the media horde, Raddi began shouting "I'm innocent I tell you! Innocent!! The search was illegal! The cops planted the carts there! Tigerson misquoted me!! There were only 16 carts! Uh, I mean, I'm innocent!!". He then ran to a waiting car and sped away.

Team officials had no comment on the situation, saying only that Raddi was expected to rejoin the team later this week. The trial will resume after the season.


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